James 4:1-3

"...your desires that battle within you...you cannot have what you want...you ask with wrong motives"

This section in James stood out to me, because it was the theme of a chapter I recently read called, "Conflict starts in the heart" from a book called The Peacemaker. It really hit me hard, this chapter in James and in the book, because it described anything that we think we deserve or must have as being an idol in our lives...things we want for ourselves, solely. It gave the example of desiring something good, even like an orderly home at the end of a hard work day (or orderly dorm room or apartment), not getting it, and getting upset and grumpy with the people that are not giving us what we want and think we deserve. It is not bad to desire things like an orderly home or appreciation for going out of your way for someone, but if we grumble and complain or treat others badly because we don't receive those things, then that is a sign of an idol in our lives. Do you have something like that? I feel that I deserve to be heard. When someone interrupts me or shows they aren't listening or just want to get their thoughts in and not try to understand, I get hurt and upset. But I don't have a right to do that. Firstly, I don't deserve anything. I am a sinner. And secondly, if that person does not listen, I am to use this turn in the conversation as an opportunity to love them and to listen, despite anything. When our hearts are selfish, when we think of what we want and deserve, instead of ways that we can best love others, we are prone to create conflicts or to fuel ones that have already begun. If we were only wanting to serve the Lord, without expecting him to give us nice things, credit or any other thing we think we should have in return, then we would not be disappointed or upset when they don't come through others or from Him. We could then be happy just to try to do his will and in all the wonderful things that he does give.

I pray that God would show me these idols that may creep up, and heal my heart that so often gives in to selfish desires, that he would help me to view conflicts that arise as opportunities to love, and that I would not expect things in return for loving. That's his awesome love for us. We cannot repay him ever!! But he lavishes his love on you and me anyway. I can't understand that.