Good morning gals!
I want to say thank you right away for so many of you keeping up with regular postings and refreshing and encouraging those of us struggling to make time to share what we learned at Jesus' feet! I admit that I have been having a really difficult time of it these last couple of weeks to get my distraction-free time on the computer to share with you all. I have enjoyed following our study from my kitchen table, reading and writing my way through these last few days. But my computer has seemed to have wings lately! My husband is on the prowl for another job now and so he has been taking the computer with him to the library or shutting himself away in our study to diligently look for jobs. I have only had snippets of time during the days lately to catch up on work emails or pop onto Facebook, or glance through our online banking account. And by the time the day's over, I have just been so. exhausted. Mentally mostly, in the last few weeks. Of course it's credited to my schedule going a mile a minute and having too many appointments put on my calendar FOR me, when normally (because I work from home) I ought to be able to control the timing of my meetings and appointments. Example: I was preparing to have my quiet time yesterday morning, because a contractor was supposed to come to our property by nine to work on a project. I was up by 7 and had plenty of time to get ready and have my Bible Study. However, he rang my doorbell at a little before 8am and I have no choice but to go, right then and there. That happens a lot with my job. I'm learning slowly to say no to people, or to shut off my phone, or to "hide" for awhile, from time to time, simply because, like lately - I am desperate for it. I am stretched to the nines by struggling with patience over my husband not having gotten any steady or real work since we moved to Wisconsin - that's just about 6 months ago now. I have a few aching holes in my heart where familial relationships are hard and "weird" right now. My dad hasn't had a job for close to a year now, which is so hard for me to watch happen to such a hard-working and diligent individual. And of course the daily pressures we all experience to varying degrees can just seem to mount up sometimes like a big intimidating monster that could eat you alive.
There's my real life right now - it's not so pretty, and ashamedly, neither has been my attitude. I have been slow to patience, quick to frustration, lacking in gratitude, and lazy on many fronts. This transition in mine and my husband's life has been hard on me and yet I know God is growing me through all of this. It's almost obvious in many ways that he's trying to teach me new things and attitudes at every turn, but I haven't always been the best student.
So for John to write like he did this week so far, like Kerry mentioned yesterday - in a circular fashion - it reminded me of a broken record where that part of the song gets stuck in your head. Maybe he is trying to get it STUCK in my heart and mind -
That God's word lives in me...so I have truth at all times and help whenever I'm weary and burdened.
That my sins have been forgiven, and I have overcome the evil one...so I don't have to live in the miry mess of my shortcomings and doubts and weak faith.
This time, like any other hard time in the past, God will use to form me and use me better in the future. He will use it to open wider my eyes to his greatness and what he can really do. His plans and power are boundless! If any of you are going through similarly trying times, I am praying for you as well. I am understanding your tears when it all seems like too much and we keep the heavy load instead of giving it to God. I do not judge your weak and wobbling faith at this time, instead I pray that the Lord would build you up with his promises and truth and would uphold you in future battles. I pray you would find comfort in his house and at his table more often, because ironically, it's always harder to draw near to God when feeling this way. I encourage you to break through the needs of your schedule, your job, your finances, whatever is seeming more urgent - and get to a quiet place and let the Lord get your heart right. He wants to assure us of so many loving, COMFORTING promises when we're shaky and insecure like this. I pray you rest in his arms.
Thankful with all of you that John said what he did these last few days, as repetitive as the words seemed. Because I think God knows we needs things repeated a few times before we let the words sink in, don't you? :)
I am grateful for trustworthy women like you to share with. You all have such amazing faith every day - God gives so generously. Praying you all have a wonderful day!
Love,
Cait