Every good and perfect gift is from above.

After watching a brief video by a woman who is explaining the chapters of a book she wrote, I was convicted about a more recurring thought that dwells in my mind. Sometimes I'm not even aware of it, or I just brush it off, but sometimes I let it linger and fester. It is the voice of people who have or do expect things from me. It's that liar voice that says, "You're not good enough. Why don't you have your degree yet? You have wasted time. You are a loser. You failed again today at being a godly wife, daughter, or friend." I listen to these lies. Instead of meditating on "whatever is true," at times I allow these garbage thoughts to pervade.

When it comes down to it, they are selfish thoughts! They are about me, and what I think others think about me. I am feeling sorry for myself, and sorry for those people who supposedly expected more, needed more.

The truth is, though I may not immediately accept it--I am a success. Jesus makes me perfect. When he sees me going about what I'm doing--successful in the world's eyes or not, with a heart that knows he's with me and helps me--he smiles, and when he sees me berating myself with these other lies, he cries. I'm sorry, God! Change me.

I really am getting to today's verse. haha. When I read that every gift is from above, I am reminded that I have something to be thankful every second of this day. I have limbs that function, an opportunity to learn, a brain that is not inhibited by major problems, eyes that can see sunsets and winter glitter that God is continually splashing before me, people who love me, the freedom to worship, a warm apartment to shelter me from the cold we've been getting, but better yet--peace in knowing that I am reconciled with God, a home in heaven (as Jess reminded us:), no fear in death. And sometimes there are other gifts--trials that are carefully orchestrated to shape and mold me. They are not to break, but to build. And to point me toward the one who has sent them.

When I think about every gift being sent from my loving Lord, it makes my lense a little different. Things start to look different, maybe not rosier at times, maybe darker, but clear in the sense that I realize that each one is a gift. Whether it be an opportunity to love or solve a problem in love, or just to wonder at the beauty of this moment, the sun that is lighting up my ugly lampshade, for instance. It comes from my unchanging God who promises to work all these things--these gifts--for my good and for your good.

I want to have a thankful heart that praises God for the daily gifts he sends. I don't think there will be much time to dwell on the negative lies if I am thinking on the truths of how God is working for me--to save me, to use me (though I will fail him at times), and to show me his grace in small, beautiful ways, in a hug of forgiveness (they are his arms! of love), in the glitter of some windy snow (it is his crystal mirage!), in the daily provision of food and warmth, in the trial that makes me cling in prayer. He's there.